5 Questions on :(:

After reading through some of the emails I've received since hinting at a new novel, I felt I needed to answer some of the questions as quickly as possible. I picked 5 since most others are very personal in nature. So here they are:

1. Where do I get the book? - PA, NY, OH, RI, MA, Spain, Ecuador.

My apologies. :(: is a Live Book which means that you are getting the chapters one at a time as they are written on the blog. Very unconventional, but it does force me to stay committed to the writing. My plan is to publish a new chapter every 2 to 3 weeks. As the story develops, the challenge will be greater to produce cohesion and timeline. It's no different than your favorite weekly shows that make you wait one week for the continuation of the story. It also gives readers an opportunity to make comments on the state of affairs on the page. I don't expect many public comments. :(: lends to more private messages with uplifting and heartbreaking accounts of personal experience with depression or anxiety and in some extremely sad cases, suicide.

2. Why the emojis :(:? - PA, VA, NY, OH, RI, MA, TX, NJ, FL, LA, NC, Spain, Ecuador, Canada.

If you're familiar with this ambigram, you'll recall that it went viral in 2015. The tattoo brought awareness to mental health issues particularly depression among teenagers.
Like all my stories, they have roots in real experiences, and this story is as close to home as it gets, even closer than My Two Flags.

 I thought how do I convey a similar message?
I explored several titles but then I felt that an emoji was not only perfect as something to force a second look, but it also made the story relevant.

3. Is this story related to Gaze and Next Chapter? (Everyone)

Long story short, yes.
The story centers around the Amaya sisters, Brooke and Emily.
Just like these other novels, :(: is told from one of the characters'  point of view in present tense. In this case Brooke at 17, a junior in high school.
Emily is a freshman at 14.
Of course their parents Gwen and Tony Amaya are central to the story and presented me the opportunity of bringing in some old friends like Samantha and the incomparable Lewis back to the page.

4. What's with the Korean on the cover? (Everyone)

Yes, the Korean. So, my daughter Amber, who will be 13 in a few days and join the rank of teenagedom, (Help!) is an avid Kpop fan. I can remember the moment she showed me a BTS video. As soon as I watched them, I thought I'd be the typical dad and make fun of her taste in music and pick the band apart from their Gucci clothes to the make up and the dancing, but it only took one song to make me a fan of their work.

The Korean language doesn't always translate well into English. I have some experience with that as some phrases in Spanish make no sense directly translated, but the translated lyrics in songs like Epiphany, Euphoria, I Need You, Magic Shop, Love Yourself are poignant, relevant, empathetic, and beautiful in every sense. Their message is like a prescription for depression, and it's delivered in incredible performances.

Kpop makes Amber quite unique among her peers and she finds such joy in it, especially when she endures a tough day at school. I myself found a type of salvation in music when I was a teen. So I thought, why not make Kpop a trait for Emily? It's her cross to bear as it evokes tremendous criticism from those whose natural instinct is to attack anything that's different than what they consider the norm.

5. So what does it say on the cover? (Everyone)

This is where I get to have a little bit of fun. To date, there has been several guesses as to the identity of the character on the cover of Gaze.
So far it's been a 50/50 that it's Gwen or Samantha and I've never answered that question. The answer is within the pages.
Following that trend, the answer to this question is within the pages.

I think it's safe to assume that we've either known someone, or we ourselves have been that someone dealing with depression, anxiety, adhd, and other issues that were attributed in the old days to just part of being a teenager.

Today, we are more aware of mental health issues affecting us, but if you take a moment to go over statistics, the one demographic most affected is our school age kids.

These are key years to the development of a person, and mental health issues are so incredibly misunderstood and stigmatized by parents, by educators, and by peers. Add the effect of social media platforms, public opinion, the quest for self-validation, and it's a miracle kids become adults with any degree of sanity.

:(: delves into the lives affected by mental health issues, and is written in the hope of bringing awareness, as well as to merely to forge a connection with anyone going through a similar experience whether peripherally or personally.

Thank you for your questions. I sincerely hope I've piqued your interest and follow where the story goes. As for me, time to write.

© 2020 J.A.Robayo

Cool, start reading!

Intro

소개

intro

Emily ignores the sting in her eyes and the pain through her thighs. If anything, she welcomes the physical pain. It's a welcome distraction from other types.

Bright pink strands of hair shake like frayed flags in the wind as she moves to the beat.

Five... Six... Seven... Eight...

The drop builds up in a staccato of snare drums and sharp tones. Her teeth clench, brow furrows in fierce determination to conquer the upcoming movements.

One,  kick right... Two, side step and pop... Three, front kick, slide out.. Four... 

Windmilling arms create the illusion of a mechanical wheel as her torso bends back, where she holds the count for exactly two beats. When the music explodes out of the speakers to a one note finish, she is on her knee, fist raised, eyes up.

The world goes still, the silence broken only by her ragged breathing. Her honey-colored eyes slowly focus on the reality of the scuffed hardwood floor under her feet. A blemish catches her eye, testament to the violence of her dancing. The sight produces a grin on the heart-shaped visage.

On the mirror, sweat glistens on smooth cheeks flushed with effort. Rivulets meander over the creases of toned shoulders and arms. Matted pink strands sweep over one eye, which glints with triumph.

The overall image is pretty or at least that's what she's been told. Her parents have remarked on her good looks for so long, she no longer believes it. Not when she sees for herself what she really looks like.

Small nagging voices at the corners of her mind command her eyes to the many physical flaws only she seems to be aware of. Faint visions of every mistake nip at her confidence, making her heart pound in her temples. Before the tears set in, Emily quickly cues up another song and stares at her reflection with all the defiance she can muster.

As the music fills her mind, chasing away the nagging doubts, she grins as her muscles scream. 

The beat is her world. 

The verse is her elation.

The bridge is her calm.

The music is her everything. 

음악는 나위 구원자

 She allows the Hangul to float in her mind like a mantra as her lips mouth the words.

음악는 나위 구원자

The phrase always proves true.

Continue on Chapter 1

5 Years Later

I still believe I was possessed when I wrote Gaze  and Next Chapter.

2020 finds me still in awe of the many predictions I left on the pages all those years ago. Okay, prediction may be a bit strong, but there are several parallels with the outcome of those stories and my life today.

In fact, upon revisiting the prologue in My Two Flags, I was dumbfounded to find myself in the scene of the pages. Every object I described on the page years ago materialized around me. From the book on my shelf to the view through my windows. I swear I might have even heard a distinct British chuckle.

I may have left my works in progress in skeletal stages, patiently awaiting my return to the keyboard. My trusty wave keyboard has been on hold for over five years now.

Gone are the fans I once had.

Gone is the author website. Thank goodness for Amazon!

Fewer are the messages I receive with demands for the next book.

To those of you who find yourselves staring at this words, my most sincere apologies for this absence.

In the book front, I got tired of literary agents advising to turn Lewis into a vampire and give Samantha magic powers to sell the story, and frankly I fail to see the point of writing when we are all easily entertained in social media with all those crazy cat videos and funny memes. What's the point of writing novels these days?

In the life front, I found my career. Like the much beloved Lewis, I have a view of the Thames similar to the view in his London office. Okay, mine is in New London, Connecticut, but I can't deny the symmetry. You could even say we work in similar fields, security, if you recall.

The sweet little girls who inspired Brooke and Emily are now teenagers who no longer regard me as the high quality, laugh-out-loud source of entertainment they once adored. I tell you one dad joke and it's all over.

The incomparable woman who inspired the likes of Gwen and Samantha fought with me through some really thin years and is happily still tolerating yours truly.

Our chocolate Lab, the unsinkable Bailey, is now frail with more gray on her face. Believe it or not, she has been the rock for all of us through more thin than thick.

That leaves me.

The author in me.

The sole responsible party for the creation of seemingly endless pages of joy, grief, love, angst, and laughter (and entire forests worth of rejected manuscripts), completely befuddled to feel my fingers tap the keys turning thoughts into words once again.

Why? Why now?

I think I'd better avoid some Shakesperean demon's possessive persuasions and get it all out of the mind of Javier A. Robayo.